flexed: “why” “because i said so” good one mom you should be a lawyer
escapistaz: If we’re friends, there’s a 106% chance that I’m always petrified that you secretly hate me.
officialdogblog: you is kind, you is smart, you is important,
akwhard: does anyone else find it awkward emailing teachers like are you supposed to say hey, or hi or use their name or say love from at the end?
esexist: its better to follow unpopular people on tumblr because then your dash isnt full of inside jokes with other famous bloggers to make you feel bad
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK
Pollen: What?!? No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All the floodgates?
Immune system: ALL OF THEM.
Pollen: Wait. Wait. You don't... Oh shi-
voldie: no mom I can’t go back to school tomorrow i’m still ugly
oomshi: Don’t touch what you can’t afford aka me
heysammy: woah girl are you from france ‘cause madamn
greekgogurt: do you ever look at someone you used to be good friends with and cringe
heathermorris: i’m one of those annoying people who’s always like “omg i know that actor from somewhere omg i recognize them whAT WERE THEY IN” when watching tv shows/movies who then proceeds to look it up on their phone and inform everyone that said actor was an extra in an episode of some stupid 90s sitcom once
furbysex: how to tell if im dead
obrriens: Do you ever feel like someone doesn’t want to be friends with you anymore? They don’t have to say anything, you just know. They talk to other people more than you, take hours to reply to your texts instead of minutes, constantly make plans with other people and hardly ask you to hang out. All along you know it isn’t gonna end well but you still have that sliver of hope. And that one...
bedussey: dootzy: this video will make your day better hOLY HSIT
buttduchess: i ain’t sayin’ she a gold-digger, but she did move west to california in 1849
analmermaidprincess: analmermaidprincess: What a beautiful afternoon to sit in my yard and drink a milkshake The boys… They have arrived….
ostracizedpoodle: life has never given me lemons
ogcw: Do drugs but stay in school too so you can get a good job and buy more drugs.